peripatetic

\pair-uh-puh-TET-ik\ adjective

1 capitalized : Aristotelian
2 a : of, relating to, or given to walking *b : moving or traveling from place to place : itinerant

i think this is what i'll be in the coming year.

time out

from a time out. or, what was SUPPOSED to be a time out.

i can't believe i'm going to start work on wednesday. i've hardly done anything here at home - well, except for the surf trip (which was summarily cut short due to the maid situation) - and now i'm already leaving. so now i'm having second thoughts about starting work the day after i arrive in my new old city. given that i hardly had a vacation while i was here. but what the hell - i need to get income sooner rather than later. and i figured a change in tasks should be good for me. laundry and cooking and dishwashing not exactly good for career growth.

but we're straying from the point. the point is, i hardly had a vacation and i've hardly done what i wanted here in my hometown. and i'm already leaving in four days. oh what a life.

this is why i have to live on my own, in some city not accessible to my family within an hour's travel. preferably in a different time zone. and this is why, for at least once in my life, i'd like to come home without my family having to know about it.

super inday forever

it's official. my role in life (at least, when it comes to my family) is to be substitute maid.

i come home from my surfing weekend to find a house without any of the househelp. actually, i was commanded to come home earlier BECAUSE of the want for household help. ce'st la vie.

so the past week i have been taking care of the laundry and the meals and the overall state of the house. i feel that i am more of the matron of the household than the actual matron. on the bright side, mother - for the first time in my entire lifelong bondage - has complimented me on my good job at putting everything in order for my sister + brother-in-law + niece's arrival. and she attributes it to my independence in the island i now call home. shyeah, right.

for the first time in my entire housekeeping career, i actually felt like a housewife. yesterday, at least. when everyone left the house and i got a bit of peace and quiet, i was relieved. nay, i was glad to be rid of them and have the chance to attend to business on my own, sometimes of my own. i think i am beginning to understand where term 'desperate housewives' came from.

mother is beginning to seem worse for the wear. either that, or she's just less inclined to put some back into tackling the house chores. maybe a bit of both. she's always prioritised her career before her family. which does wonders for her relationships with her daughters, but we're not going into that. (but since i've started on it, let's just say that there's a bit of chicken-and-egg thing going on with that.)

i am beginning to see why friends have voted me as having most mother potential. but at the same time, i'm not ready to go that far just yet.

i'm single and happy, thankyouverymuch.

it's complicated.

the catchphrase of all my romantic relationships. far be it for me to start changing now. creature of habit, i am.

they say love catches you when you least expect it. i suppose it's true. except that i'm not quite sure if this is love. and by love i mean romance.

we've known each other for almost half our lifetimes. in a way, you could say he's my best friend. he knows me as well as - or even better than - any other person i know. maybe that's why it's difficult to go beyond the present circumstances.

he loves me. and i love him. but somehow... there's just something in the way. something we both feel, but we can't quite define. and i guess, something we can't quite overcome.

we've loved each other for some time, in different ways. i've loved him as a friend, sometimes as a brother, some days as a confidant. through the years, our relationship has grown. and recently, it seems to be growing even more.

then today i woke up and i realised... i'm falling. for the man who has loved me from the day we first met.

heads will roll. ROWR!!!!

i called the ministry and find out that the outstanding employment pass was granted on 08 AUGUST 2007. FOUR. FREAKING. MONTHS. AGO. i am so furious i can spontaneously combust!

i am SO going to file a formal complaint against my previous admin manager. lousy *&^%$#@! doesn't even do her job! AND - she was rude and totally un-helpful to my new HR manager! wtf???!!!

bloody. freaking. hell.

even after i've left, the old firm screws things up for me. my new firm is having problems getting my employment pass processed because apparently, i have an approved employment pass waiting for me at the ministry. how much shit do they exactly need me to go through before i can be rid of them? when i think of my previous firm, two words come to mind - dead. weight.

okay. so how did this mess happen? firstly, i did not apply for a new employment pass with any other company. there are only two firms that has paperwork with my signature on it - my previous firm, and my new firm. so, if the new firm is having problems because there is already another active employment pass on the database, it definitely couldn't be them causing the trouble. so it would have to be the dead weight.

now, back in july - SIX FREAKING MONTHS AGO - i applied for an upgrade of my work permit. i have not heard ANY news on the outcome of this permit since. all paperwork related to my employment gets forwarded to my employer. i have no access to any letters from the ministry, except through the administrative people in the office. so, my guess is, the application was approved, the letter got sent, the admin witch kept it to herself and didn't let me know about it. so now i have an employment pass (most likely with my old firm), which has not been collected because i didn't know it existed. and this employment pass whose existence i was unaware of until today is causing problems with the application for my new employment pass with the new - BETTER PAYING - firm. the existing employment pass has to be cancelled before the new employment pass can be processed. it's going to take a few days to sort this out, and this is definitely going to set back my work schedule. *&^%$#@!

i am going to call the ministry tomorrow and find out what exactly is this purported employment pass and when it was granted. if i find out it has been around for over two months, there will be hell to pay. mark my words.

super inday does not suffer fools gladly.

home is where the heartbreak is

one year ago, in this same house, i was nursing a broken heart. i sit at my desk now and see remnants of the parting gift that travelled 16hrs and 6,000 miles to the place i've called home for the past 18years. the gold-lidded glass jar that it came in. the plastic teacup that housed the aloe-cactus plant for three weeks. the plastic spoon that i used to re-pot the gift christened as 'heather'. all that's missing now is the real plant. it died while i was living overseas, a good eight months ago. and along with it died the heartbreak. or the love for the giver. or both.

i realise that this house has seen me go through three heartaches and two troubled relationships. if these walls could talk, my, what stories they would tell. of nights crying into my favourite pillow. (which, incidentally, travels with me to new lodgings.) of heated conversations with my parents. of sulkiness and brooding. this room is a repository of my past. of broken hearts and dreams unfulfilled. it will always be, perhaps, a place associated with sadness.

it's been a year since that fateful phone call. when i realised that he doesn't care about me, and probably never will. and that no amount of manipulation will change the way things are.

i almost got him to fly all the way to my side of the world. but i decided against it, against playing my final card. because deep down inside, i know he won't be coming for me. he'll be coming for himself. and when you're in love with someone so self-absorbed, you will never find any room in his heart for you. no matter how hard you try.

this house will always hold the heartbreaks. but perhaps underneath the pain, it also holds the dreams. the expectations of something better. hopes that led to disappointments in the first place. but hopes nonetheless.

home, bittersweet home.