unreadable

i pride myself in being able to understand (i.e. read) people well. but this guy is just really giving me a run for my money.

yes, it's the guy i've dated over the past few months. mr here-and-now. he is what my friend would call my "meantime" guy. and i think i am his "meantime" gal, as well.

one night, in a pub, admidst beers and loud american pop music, (i think) i heard him say "my wife once called me..."

"your WHAT?!?!" my mind was screaming. either he was drunk, i was deaf, or he was really trying to tell me something. and the irony of it all, he was checking up on my emotional state the night before. (i was suffering from PMS depression, and had a sobbing fit for a while. he saw me at some point.) my heart flip-flopped (literally) and i felt my face getting warm. but he was too preoccupied to notice, thank god.

what is it with me and men??? i always end up with those who are totally wrong for me. and the saddest part is, i fall for them. pretty hard. and though i tell myself to keep things simple, i find myself liking this guy even more each day. some things you never learn.

you want to know what the even bigger irony is? HE was the reason i fell into a depressive fit. but of course, i didn't tell him that. because that would mean admitting he meant more to me than i let on. and as long as he thinks i'm emotionally detached, i'm safe.

he still takes me out for coffee. he still gives me goodbye-kisses on the cheek, when not many people are around.

of course, i still let him.

on dating

presently, i am dating two men. on two different continents. i don't know how it happened. okay, maybe i DO know how it happened. but by no means did i consciously bring about the current situation.

so there is the guy back home. who only verbalised his interest THE DAY I FLEW OUT OF THE COUNTRY. in fact, just three hours before my flight. talk about last minute.

then there is the guy over here. who has not said anything indicative of a move towards a serious relationship (unlike local guy). but from what i see, is still somewhat interested. based on the good-bye kiss on the cheek last monday.

now the dilemma is... do i put one on hold, call one quits, or just keep going? local guy knows about international guy, but not vice versa. i've known the former about half a year longer. but i will be spending more time with the latter in the next six months. and the way things are going... i'm liking the here-and-now guy more and more. but logically, the far-and-away boy is the more stable choice. i'm in quite a pickle here.

i told myself not to expect much from the foreigner. i mean, dating to him (and the likes of him) is not exactly commitment-bound. it's just hanging out with someone you are either 1. attracted to; or 2. comfortable around. i would say it's more the latter than the former. i'm not getting my hopes up, because i don't want my heart shattered.

but of course, the stupid girl in me just keeps falling for him more each day.

why go for someone who will most likely break your heart, when you have someone else willing to wait for you? i suppose it's the allure of the unfamiliar. the attraction of the forbidden. lord knows my parents will have a conniption when they find out i have a caucasian boyfriend. IF that happens. which, again, is entirely up to the boy.

i never thought i'd be in a position where i'd have to choose between two men. (well, there was even a third person, but he really wasn't a choice for me. but i digress.) i guess moving away was all i needed to get my romantic life in high gear.

and i say - full speed ahead.

you cannot escape your fate

oh yes. i am maid for life. (note the pun.)

i left home and a life of cooking and, well, cooking (alright, occasional cleaning) to enter into a life of cooking (for myself), washing (my laundry) and cleaning up after flatmates. oh what joy.

i swear, if i weren't here, the bubonic plague would start recurring in london. starting from our kitchen.

SHE leaves dishes unwashed for a week. and pots and pans, as well. some days, when she's feeling either: a. really industrious; or b. really smart (-assed, as i would put it), she RINSES the GREASY cookware and puts them back on the shelf. way to go, einstein. that will REALLY do the trick.

i never thought i'd have problems with sanitation with a female. then again. she probably grew up being waited on hand and foot. plus she's the youngest in the apartment. not that it's a valid excuse, but it could explain a few things. the boys, in the meantime, are neat, but they don't exert extra effort to keep things under wraps. whereas I, the maid of all maids, clean the kitchen and the bathrooms before they start showing primitive life forms.

i cleaned the whole place (well, almost. did a good job in the kitchen, anyway.) before i went home for a holiday. (which was not actually much of a holiday, but that's another story.) when i came back after three weeks, lo and behold, all my good work undone. unwashed dishes sitting around. AGAIN. oven filled with layers of grease, grime, and lord-knows-what-else.

i did some cosmetic cleaning this afternoon. (just the kitchen, of course. i dare not touch the bathroom anymore.) i leave for germany tomorrow. i shudder to think what state the flat will be in upon my return. definitely not cleaner than when i left it. that is a non-question.

eight more months of this horror. i know i've got super powers, but this is a bit much. please, save me.