ilovemyjob ilovemyjob...

repeat to self 10x a day.

sometimes i wonder why i got into this profession. the hours are murderously long, the stress levels are insanely high, and the artistic fulfillment just doesn't do it for me. partly because i think i totally suck at design.

this is one of those rare moments when i feel unsettled about my new job. most days i'm a happy camper. but sometimes, the insecurity creeps in (brought about by some criticism, most likely) and i am submerged in a pool of self-doubt. i start telling myself that i am not made for this shit. i tell my friends, and their response is "you??? why not???" i suppose it should comfort me that they think so highly of my abilities. but it actually doesn't. i think they have a tainted perception of me. or they have no basis of comparison except with themselves. i am quite artistic and creative compared to the average person. but i am totally hopeless compared to the average architect. maybe it's just me, but i really don't think i have what it takes to pursue such a design-dependent career.

so i tell myself this is just to tide me over for the next few years, until i have enough seed money to do what it is that i really love. how i'm going to get there, i'm not quite sure. but i know i'll get there. and that is enough to keep me afloat.